Naima's World

Breathless... Available 9/20/2011

2011-09-19T15:54:00.002-05:00

IT'S FINALLY HERE!!! My first single Breathless is finished and it will be available for sale as an mp3 download for $0.99 tomorrow Tuesday 9/20/2011 on My Bandcamp Page and within a couple of weeks iTunes, Rhapsody, Amazon MP3, etc. In addition to the song, there is bonus material to accompany it that will be exclusive to Bandcamp for a limited time. Be one of the first people to get it and be a witness to history in the making. This is the start of something great.

Often being compared to greats like Jill Scott, Demeriese Naima Valier (pronounced Dee-MARE-ris Nah-ee-mah Vah-leer) is assured to make major contributions to R&B and Soul music. Breathless, her first single from her forthcoming debut LP Soul Beautiful is reminiscent of an early Erykah Badu joint. It is an homage to the pioneers of contemporary soul music with it's live instrumentation, funky drum rifts, and minimalistic keys under an elaborate vocal line. This coupled with the earthy warmness of Demeriese's mezzo-soprano voice makes for a very refreshing listening experience.

Vegans Eat More Than Just Salad!

2011-09-11T07:10:00.013-05:00

I have been eating a vegan diet for about 1 1/2 years and I have been meat free for 3 1/2 years. Whenever the subject of food comes up and I mention my diet to anyone they are either impressed or confused as to how in the hell I am so big if I'm not eating meat. The ones who are confused sometimes ask "how are you still alive without eating meat?" or "how do I get protein?". Whatever their reaction, they both seem to have the impression that the only things I eat are salads, fruits, nuts, and side dishes. That is so not the case. I enjoy just as much of a variety of food now as I did when I ate meat. As a matter of fact, I eat with more variety now because eating a meat free diet forces you to expand your taste in foods because the Standard American Diet is severely lacking in satisfying options for people who don't eat meat products. Here are some pictures of a few vegan dishes I made:

Couscous, baby portabella mushrooms, tomato, & spinach in a spicy peanut & curry sauce, roasted red bell pepper hummus, homemade pita chips, and fresh cherries to finish it off.

Marinara sauce with zucchini, yellow squash, & spinach over fried eggplant & whole wheat spaghetti.

Pineapple banana sorbet made with sparkling mineral water inside of tart shells. Garnished with fresh strawberries and dark chocolate & amaretto sauce. It usually looks better than this, but I was in a rush.

Groundnut stew also known as African yam & peanut stew. Sweet potatoes, yellow squash, zucchini, tomatoes, okra, & peanuts in a spicy peanut sauce over couscous and served with collard greens that were marinated over night in a proprietary blend of citrus juices, herbs, & spices and then cooked slightly in olive & sesame oil to remove the chill.

I was getting fed up going back and forth between the greens and the stew. They both tasted so good I just said fuck it and mixed them together. Also, it is very aggravating trying to eat hot couscous with a fork so I put the fork down and dug in with my bare hands. I felt like I was back in Benin. ;-)

Weight Release Journey Reprise: I'm Getting There

2011-09-11T01:46:00.006-05:00

I know there are some of you who were really into my blog series Weight Release Journey. The journey has never stopped, but me writing about it did because I was just soooo busy last year. I have made tremendous progress and I am now more than halfway to my goal. When I started this blog I was a size 18 approaching a size 20. I am now a solid size 16. My goal is to get down to a size 12. I am not a small woman. I have big bones and because of that there has to be a 30 lb. difference in my weight for my dress size to go up or down. I have another 40-50 lbs. to release before I get to my goal size. Here are some pics of where I've been in the past and were I am currently:

2006 - Aprox 250 lbs.

2007 - Day before college graduation. 275 lbs. This is the point where I said "fuck this fat girl shit" and also when the serious health problems started to kick in.

2010 - May Aprox. 230-240 lbs. I had become a vegan at this point and had lost a great deal of weight, but it kept fluctuating between 220-240 lbs.

2010 - July Aprox. 215-220 lbs. I stayed here for a while, but I gained a little weight over the holidays.

Which is why I took this picture in January of this year. I had to drop those holiday pounds right quick. It didn't take long though. Aprox. 215-220 lbs.

And here I am as of 9/9/2011 Aprox 190-200lbs.

Now I have to hurry up and drop the rest of this weight because I'm going to be in the public eye a lot. I'm a singer and even though my voice alone will sell albums & singles, I'm sure that if I got my measurements back down to oh let's say 40-28-40 I'll be able to sell a lot more. Well, not necessarily. Adele has the best selling album in the US this year so maybe my music will be just enough, but that's too expensive of an experiment to for me to conduct. I'm in the home stretch now. Through it all I shall succeed!

SN: I know some of you probably picked up on the fact that I'm guessing my weight. Well I'm not a stickler for numbers when it comes to this. Ihave an ideal size I'd like to be, but the number is just not really that important. People put too much emphasis and getting down to a particular weight and don't take bone size and density & muscular structure when losing excess weight. Plus my scale is broken anyway and I can think of a whole lot better ways to spend $20.00 like gas for my car, lol. As long as I can see that I'm getting smaller I'm good. And don't even get me started on counting calories! That's a blog for a another day.

Breathless Press Release

2011-09-11T00:45:00.006-05:00

I know I've been talking about this song for a long time, but through all the stumbling blocks and set backs, I've made it to a point where I'm ready to release this song for national radio air play. As a token of appreciation for rockin' with me for so long here's a free download of a demo version of "Breathless".

Breathless by Demeriese Naima Valier

Release Date: TBA

Record Label: Jamboree Music - JAM101

Demeriese Naima Valier wrote Breathless in December of 2005 while on Christmas break from college and it is the lead single on her debut LP Soul Beautiful. She says that at the time she had never been in love with anyone nor was there any man whom she had her eye on at the time, so it was shocking to her that she could even write a song like Breathless.

Breathless is an internalized dialog set to music that explores a whirlwind of emotions from confused, to aroused, to completely delirious by the end of the song. Sort of like the same way you feel when you're falling head over heels in love with someone.The music changes just as much as Demeriese's emotions do throughout the song. Starting off with only a string bass and Naima scatting, and then as the singing begins congas, it switches to a smooth Neo-Soul swing by the time the chorus comes around. Then just when you're used to the chill vibe, Demeriese unexpectedly takes you to church at the bridge.The producer, Klark Kent, was able to expertly convey with music the emotion that is behind the words that Demeriese wrote.

Demeriese jokes that she wrote the song so she could "conjure her up a man" that makes her feel the way she's singing about in her song. It's been said by wise men all over that words have immense power. It will be interesting to see if The Enchantress's spell will work.

How To Get A Good Man

2011-08-08T22:02:00.001-05:00

There has been an entire industry centered around the fact that women are clueless about men. We're reading all these tips in magazines and self-help books looking for a new sexual technique that will have him climbing the walls. Either that or it's some "expert" who tells you how men really think, which is nothing more than a vague generalization based on some cave man prototype. The truth is that men are not as complicated as we make them out to be. Here are a few simple steps that can help you to find a man:

1. Look attractive & approachable.

Men are visual creatures. I know it would be so nice if a man would look at a woman and say "Wow she has a huge intellect. I need to get with her ASAP!" but that's not the way it goes. Keep yourself looking nice. You don't have to get dressed like you're going out, but look appealing and feminine. Don't leave out the house with that stained shirt and sweat pants and keep your hair neat. That also goes for your attitude. Keep it at home along with the sweat pants and stained shirt. Try wearing a smile instead. You draw more flies with honey than vinegar.

2. Read a book.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from my male friends is how so many women are dumber than a bag of rocks. Get off of Facebook & Necole Bitchie's website for a little while and read a book. Become knowledgeable about something other than shopping and different types of weave. If you're beautiful and freaky, that's lovely but after the novelty of the sex wears off men get bored. If you can not stimulate their minds as much as you do their genitals you'll be dumped for a woman like me who knows these things. Pussy alone has never been enough to keep a man and nothing is going to change about that now, especially since women are giving it up like they make coupons for it. If you're not big on reading books, at least stay well informed on current events so that you'll have something to talk about other than Basketball Wives or your favorite position.

3. Learn how to cook.

I know it sounds cliche, but the way to a man's heart is truly through his stomach. It's just as true today as it was 100 years ago. Another complaint I've heard from men is that women these days don't like to or just don't know how to cook. Now I know that unlike 100 years ago that women are way busier and spend more time outside the home, but that is still no excuse to not know how to prepare a good meal. To a man, nothing says I love you better than a home cooked meal. Try it, especially if you live in a place where most women have that I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T attitude. Cooking for a man sends the message that you're nurturing and loving, something that all men desire from a woman. So go ahead and throw out those take out menus and replace it with an apron and a Magnalite pot.

4. Don't be afraid to be a freak.

Now lets not get it twisted. I said "freak" not "whore" or "slut". There's nothing wrong with enjoying sex and being good at it. It only becomes a problem for women in this society if you're enjoying it with multiple partners. If you're in a relationship with someone, don't be afraid to let your hair down and get loose. Let go of your inhibitions and don't be afraid to try new positions, role play, introduce food, or toys, etc. No one wants a woman who just lays on her back and doesn't do anything. You don't have to be in freak mode constantly. Denise LaSalle said it best: "be a lady in the streets/freaky in the bedroom". If you're challenged in this area refer to #2. The Joy of Sex is a good book on the matter. If the reason you're holding back in the bedroom is because of religious programming, then I don't know what to tell you. That's another blog for another day.

So basically, look good, read a book, learn to cook, and be a lady in streets but a freak and the bedroom. Men aren't complicated at all. I heard one say recently "Keep my stomach full and my nuts empty and I'm good". Lol. There's more too it than that, but these are the basics. If you get these down pat, along with some other things (like knowing when to shut the hell up) you'll be able to find and keep a good man.

You Know What...?

2011-04-23T11:52:00.004-05:00

To hell with people's feelings. For a long time I've kept my tongue in check to spare people's feelings and not tell them how I truly feel about a situation. I can't do it anymore. I've got to let it out. It's not in me to hold back on what I have to say, and I refuse to do so any more. It just ain't in me. It never has been, and never will be. It's genetic. Both of my parents are the same way. I came here to speak the truth and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'll try my best to be tactful, but this is no guarantee because most of the time I'm like "fuck yo feelings" when it comes to speaking my mind. So if you ask me my opinion on something, you'd better be damned well ready to hear the truth be it good, bad, or ugly.

People really trip me out these days with the superficial bullshit that they get all emotional about. I mean it's just ridiculous. People get upset about people living lifestyles that they don't agree with or because of something offensive that someone said and I'm just so like get over that dumb shit. The world is undergoing a major transformation and you're concerned about who I'm having sex with or who I pray to? You're mad at people's ignorant comments like it really makes a difference about what some douche like Glen Beck says? People wanna know dumb shit like what Lindsay Lohan ate for lunch or where Obama was really born (which is very thinly veiled racism if you ask me). It's time to let go of all this mundane garbage and get ready for what lies ahead. I mean am I the only one who's noticing that food prices are shooting up just as much as gas prices? Am I the only one who realizes that the government is passing laws making it illegal to grow food in your own backyard? Wake the hell up everyone!!!!

This was just a random rant. Had to get that off my chest.

*blank stare*

Getting Out of My Own Way: A 30 Day Challenge

2011-04-21T21:01:00.004-05:00

I am on a mission. I've decided to get out of my own way. I've come to realize that the only stumbling block that I have is myself. I'm endeavoring to get my music career launched and it has been challenging to say the least. I have been getting these seemingly golden opportunities that always become messed up, but not by anything that I have done, at least not on a mundane level. After doing some soul searching I've come to realize that I need to do a clean sweep of my life. I've been holding on to some attitudes, behaviors, and people that stop my destiny from manifesting in the best way possible. For example, I'm very disorganized. Things are always scattered in my home. When I cook, I almost always leave something out and forget to put it back, clothes piled up on my bed instead of in the drawers and hanging up in the closet where they belong. All this clutter is a reflection of the clutter in my mind and its holding me back, so in the next 30 days I'm de-cluttering my outer enviroment and my mind. I've already decreased my Facebook friends list from 537 to 127 people, I've gotten rid of all the old books, sheet music, clothes, etc. that I've been holding on to since I graduated from college, and I've cut myself off from almost everyone on my mother's side of the family. Anything that dosen't serve my higher purpose is going out the door. All the meditation, positive affirmations, diet, etc. don't do any good if you're still holding on to the clutter in your life, be it physical, mental, or emotional. I have everything I need inside of me already. Greatness awaits me. The universe has been sending me signs for years. I just need to make myself receptive to the great things that lie in store for me.

My 5 Year Loc Anniversary

2011-02-16T00:48:00.023-06:00

What's up everybody! Last month I celebrated my 5th year of wearing my hair in locs. It has been the best hair decision of my life. I just did my first re-twist of the year and I took some pics. I can't believe how long my hair is!

People are always complementing me on how good my hair looks, so here are a few of my tricks for soft and lustrious hair:

I wash my hair with Aubrey's Organics shampoo. If I run out and I can't get some more immediatley I wash with plain black soap. After I wash my hair I do a herbal infusion. I use distilled water, rosemary, sage, basil, eucalyptus, peppermint, lavender, chamomile, hibiscus, black pepper, cucumber juice, aloe vera juice and grapefruit juice. Yeah, it's a lot, but my scalp feels so good after soaking my hair in it for 30 minutes. Then I do a hot oil treament with coconuit oil, olive oil, sunflower oil, jojoba oil, oregano oil, lavender oil, tea tree oil, and vegetable glycerin. I put a shower cap on my head after soaking my hair in this solution and then I go outside and sit in the sun for about 45 minutes. I rinse out the excess oil and then I retwist my hair with my own twist butter made with shea butter, coconut oil, jojoba oil, sunflower oil, and lavender oil. I finish it off by spritzing my hair with water and glycerin. Yes, I really get it in when it comes to my hair, lol. I give myself the spa treatment. Day to day I use the same oil mixture that I use to do my hot oil treatments minus the glycerin and I spritz my hair with water and glycerin throughout the day.

I am a firm believer in not putting anything on my skin or hair that would poison me if I ate it. If I can't eat it, then it's not going on my skin or hair.

Now tell me that this isn't some of the best looking locks you've seen? Lol! *moment of vainity*

If you could go back in time 10 years and tell your younger self something, what would it be?

2011-01-23T07:31:00.001-06:00

Men, sex, and clubbing are so overrated. Oh yeah, and go to Berklee College of Music instead of Southern University if you want to major in music.

Ask me anything

What message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?

2011-01-23T07:28:00.001-06:00

Everything you need is already in you.

Ask me anything

Do you believe in God?

2011-01-23T07:27:00.003-06:00

No, not in the traditional sense of some jealous, vengeful, yet caring & loving omnipotent being micromanaging the universe like this is the Sims. I believe that "God" is the laws of the universe. I believe that "God" is nature. I truly believe that the God of the Bible and the gods of many other religions were some humanoid aliens from another planet that had superior technology which they used to convince people on earth who had never seen anything of the sort that they were gods.

Ask me anything

The Reason I Came To This Planet

2010-07-22T19:19:00.006-05:00

Here is a video of me singing Dr. Feelgood by Aretha Franklin. This is the first time I've sung with a band in a long time and it felt GOOD!!! I haven't felt this alive in a while.

P.S. I will start blogging again. I've been really busy with school and trying to get my career launched. I'll have a lot of goodies for y'all in the not too distant future.

My Spirituality Is MY Business

2010-04-05T23:27:00.006-05:00

This past Saturday my grandma stopped by my house. She came to pick up a church program that my mother was making for her for the next day's services. She's always asking me "Why don't you come to church?". Usually I just shrug my shoulders and say "I don't know", but for some reason lately, especially since all this stuff about the pope covering up pedophilia in the Catholic church, I don't feel the need to hide what my true feelings are on religion, especially Christianity. She asked me why don't I come to church on Sunday for the Easter sunrise service, but unlike most other times, I told her the truth. I simply responded, "Because I don't feel like going". After that she went on asking me questions like:

"Aren't you grateful for all that God has done for you?"

"Don't you feel blessed?"

"Didn't God wake you up this morning? You didn't wake yourself up."

"Aren't you grateful to God that you're breathing and of sound mind?"

As she asked me these questions it took everything in me to not burst out laughing. She ends her barrage of questions with one statement that I think sums up the way religious people, no matter the faith, think:

"I just don't understand how you could not want to serve God."

Well, what I don't understand is how people can so blindly believe what they are told without independent investigation. Let me give you a little background on my spiritual journey. My mother is Catholic and my father was a Muslim, but now he is free from religion like me. When I was a baby my father went to jail for four years and my mother, my siblings, and I went to live with my grandma. One of the conditions of my mother moving back home was that she had to go to church every Sunday, so as a result my siblings and I were exposed to the Methodist church, which is my grandma's faith. When my father got out of jail he took over and exposed us to Islam. Since I was a child I have been exposed to different religions and in my active and fertile Gemini mind it just made me have more and more questions about just exactly who was right when it came to spirituality and less inclined to become a faithful and committed member of one faith.

For the past 2 years I have been going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole and it all started off from me studying African history and doing research on how to make natural products for my skin and hair. I've studied numerology, astrology, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and a couple of African religions and a whole other host of things of an occult and/or esoteric nature and I have come to the following conclusions about religion:

1. Religion is a tool designed to control the masses:
Religion has used fear for centuries to control people. Almost every religion in the world has something in it's doctrine that is designed to make you feel that you aren't worthy of God's, Allah's, Jehovah's, Krishna's, etc. love unless you blindly give them your allegiance. If you don't go along, then there's all sorts of things in place to make you feel guilty about not worshiping a particular deity. When you have people who blindly accept these deities into their lives it makes it that much easier to stomach leadership under another person. How can you be in control of your life on the material realm when you have outsourced your spirituality? As above, so below. Which leads me to...

2. Religion makes it easy for people to relinquish their personal responsibility and their sovereignty by making them search for everything they need in outside sources instead of looking within:
When you pray to a deity the most common position that people assume is to either fall on their knees and look up or in their lives. People are told "All you gotta do is pray to (insert random deity here)and just sit back and wait and everything will be alright". Well prayer minus hard work and responsibility is nothing but a complaint. Only when you stand up and be accountable and responsible for your life, only when you start to live your life according to the laws of the universe (which supersedes man's laws) will you start to see any positive changes. When you're on your knees you're in the perfect position for someone to run up behind you and knock you upside the head and that is what I see going on with a lot of religious people...life is knocking them upside the head.

3. Religion had been used as an excuse to conquer and murder billions of people throughout history and today:
Catholics and Muslims are especially guilty of this. People have conquered, enslaved, and killed many people by declaring that they are doing so in God's name. They arrive with the Bible or Quran in one hand and a sword in the other. With this rationale it is perfectly ok to kill or enslave people because they do not believe as you do. They used the name of God to take over the world saying that they were doing this in His name when the real reasons for conquest are usually economic. For example, passages from out of the Bible were used as an excuse for the Trans Atlantic slave trade. One in particular stands out:
Genesis 9:25-27: "Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers. He also said, 'Blessed be the Lord, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem. May God extend the territory of Japheth; may Japeth live in the tents of Shem and may Canaan be his slave'. "
This is referred to as the "curse of Ham" and was the main justification used to keep Africans enslaved. How anyone in the African diaspora can call themselves a Christian after it is well known that Christianity is one of the reasons used to justify enslaving us is beyond me.

I could probably write a book about what I think is wrong with religion, but these are the top three in my mind. Personally, I believe that Christianity is the longest running pimp game in the history of man. Don't get me wrong, there are some good aspects to religion and their is some wisdom to be gained from all religions. The thing is you have to separate the wisdom from the bullshit that is mixed in with it. Do independent research. Don't be so quick to believe what people tell you, especially if it is contradictory in nature. And last but not least, DO NOT let anyone guilt you into going to church, temple, etc. Know that your spirituality is YOUR business and no one else's.

Here are some good links about religion:

Exoteric & Esoteric Christianity Comparison

Does The Devil Really Exist

Jesus and Universal Law

Weight Release Journey - Veering Off the Path

2010-04-03T17:24:00.002-05:00

I know some of you were really into my stories about me releasing all this excess weight, but you see what had happened was...

#1. I've been having medical problems and
#2. This bi-polar disorder thing has been rearing it's ugly head again.

Remember when I talked about how my weight would fluctuate 5-20 lbs.? Well I found out why. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. One day I was re-twisting my friend's hair and when I got up both of my ankles were swollen. I took my blood pressure and it was extremely low. I went to bed and when I woke up the following morning I was short of breathe and my heart was racing. This went on for several days before I went to the doctor and he ran test and low and behold, my thyroid was out of whack. He prescribed some medicine for me, but of course I didn't take it. I brought some kelp capsules and that has been really helping me with my thyroid, but it doesn't do much for my lack of motivation.

As far as the bi-polar disorder thing goes...one day I just woke up and I felt like crap. I didn't feel like exercising, I didn't want to go to work, and all those old cravings started to come back. I don't know what prompted it. Maybe I have a broken heart and don't realize it. Is that possible? Maybe my sudden urge for fitness was a response to my most recent failed relationship.

I thought I was doing everything right, and the depression just comes back and hits me like a ton of bricks. I started caring less and less about what I ate. I even got weak and ate some fried shrimp a couple of times. I've gained back all of the weight I lost plus some. I don't know what to do. It seems like every time I start making progress in my life I always find some kind of way to fuck it up. Meditation and yoga alone haven't done the job, so now I'm looking into hypnotherapy and past life regression therapy. I've been feeling way better since Spring has started and I have gotten back on the path. I'm exercising and eating right again, but this time I don't have a choice but to loose weight. I'm working on an album and I need to take pictures for my press kits. I seem to thrive under pressure, so knowing that I have to take pictures will make me not hit the snooze button when my alarm goes off in the morning. I will overcome this...I just need to get to the root of the problem.

Experiencing Techinical Difficulties

2010-02-06T16:02:00.002-06:00

Due to a virus that I got on my laptop I won't be doing my regular blog post. Consider this blog on pause until I resolve the issue.

Weight Release Journey Days 11 & 12

2010-02-02T16:18:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I started my workout regimen. I still get up and do yoga & meditation, but before then I woke up and I walked my dog. Later in the day I did a great bellydance workout called Lusicious, and that's exactly how it left me feeling. I felt just so feminine and sexy afterwards. Bellydancing has many benefits for women's reproductive health. It helps to get rid of stagnant energy in the womb and helps to release toxins. It also tones the pelvis which makes for an easier time during child birth. There are also many other benefits, but because I have to go to work in 30 mins. I'll save it for another blog.

Today I have to pace myself with the nuts. I have eaten almost 8 oz. of almonds since yesterday. I hope this doesn't affect my weekly weigh in, lol. If you're gonna eat a lot of something that has a lot of fat, it might as well be the kind of fat that will benefit you. I had the usual for breakfast, as piece of fruit, raw nuts, and water. My blender is broken and I haven't been able to make my smoothies :(, so I'm going to buy a new one after I get off today. For lunch I made a delicious African Yam & Peanut stew. I usually don't eat peanuts, but I couldn't find cashew butter to substitute and I really wanted this soup! I saw this recipe on an episode of Emeril Green on the Planet Green network (I think that's the name). I ate it with a kale and spinach salad. Absolutely delicious! I'll probably eat more salad and some fruit for dinner before I go out tonight. Here's the recipe for the soup.

Emeril's African Yam and Peanut Soup (Video)
Recipe courtesy Emeril Lagasse, copyright Martha Stewart Omnimedia, Inc.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 pounds yams or sweet potatoes
5 tablespoons peanut oil
8 each Roma tomatoes, halved and seeded
1 tablespoon curry powder
1 cup onions, julienned
1 1/2 teaspoons minced garlic
1/2 cup smooth peanut butter
1 cup unsweetened light coconut milk
1 quart vegetable broth
1 3/4 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground white pepper
2 tablespoons chopped, roasted peanuts

Method:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Coat the sweet potatoes with 1 tablespoon of the peanut oil and place in an oven-proof pie tin. Place the pie tin in the oven and roast the sweet potatoes for 50 minutes to 1 hour, or until the potatoes are fully roasted and fork tender. Once the potatoes are cool enough to handle, remove the skin from the potatoes and discard the skins. Reserve the sweet potato flesh until ready to use.

Place the tomatoes in a small mixing bowl and coat with 1 tablespoon of peanut oil. Lay the tomatoes on a baking sheet, skin side up, and season with salt and pepper. Place the sheet pan in the oven and roast the tomatoes until the skins are caramelized and wilted, about 25 to 30 minutes. Remove the tomatoes from the oven, discard the skins, and set the tomatoes aside until ready to use.

Set a 4 quart stockpot over a medium high heat and add 2 tablespoons of peanut oil. Add the curry powder to the pot and toast for about 30 to 45 seconds, stirring constantly. Add the onions and saute for 3 to 4 minutes. Add the minced garlic to the pot and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds.

Add the roasted sweet potatoes and tomatoes to the soup. Add the peanut butter, coconut milk and vegetable stock to the pot and stir to blend. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer for 10 minutes.

With an immersion blender or in batches in a bar blender, puree until smooth. Season with 3/4 teaspoon of the salt and, if necessary, more pepper.

To serve, ladle the soup into bowls and garnish with the chopped peanuts.

Weight Release Journey Day 9

2010-01-31T23:44:00.003-06:00

The past couple of days have been hectic and they were really a test to see just how committed I am to my goal of releasing excess weight. All I have to say is thank God for cholrella and spirulina. I literally forget to eat when I'm taking these super foods. For instance, today the only thing that I've eaten is an apple, some hummus, snow peas, and a small portion of red beans & rice. That is it since 8 am. This week I'm going to be more conscious of how much I eat this week. It's a good thing that I'm drinking lots of fruit and veggie juices, or else I'd be seriously deprived of nutrients.
I weighed myself this week and I'm 3 lbs. lighter! Yea! I'm almost back into a size 16 now. When I get to a size 12 I'll be satisfied. I told you I don't want to be a skinny chick, lol. To speed up my weight release I'm going to do theDherbs Full Body Detox. I should be able to drop anywhere between 10-50 lbs. in just 20 days. I'm saving up my money just for this. I can't wait to get started!

Weight Release Journey Day 5

2010-01-27T11:08:00.004-06:00

I didn't write anything the past couple of days because...well I just didn't have anything interesting to talk about. I'm not about to sit up here and type about what I ate everyday. I'm too busy for that. But I will tell you about yesterday.

Yesterday I woke up and did yoga and I meditated. Right after that I took my chlorella and spirulina which always gives me abundant energy. I had an apple and some cashews for breakfast. That's it with some water. I don't have much of an appetite. Spirulina and chlorella really diminishes it and I forget to eat sometimes. Because of the abundant energy I had from the spirulina & chlorella I ended staying up for almost 24 hours because of something I drank with it in the afternoon before going to work.

I went to this health store that's in the same shopping center where I work to buy some supplements for my father. I was kind of thirsty and I noticed a small refrigerator with some drinks in it called kombucha. I brought it because the shop owner told me about all the benefits of it. Kombucha is a fermented tea and it's reported benefits are "increased energy, sharper eyesight, better skin condition, and better experience with foods that 'stick' going down such as rice or pasta".

I don't know about all that other stuff, but I had energy like you wouldn't want to believe. It wasn't that jittery energy like with coffee. It was a very natural feelings energy boost. I drank it with my C&S right before work and I ended up no being able to go to sleep until after 5:30 am. I drank the Kombucha and the C&S at 3:00pm the previous day. So as a warning, unless you want to be up for almost 24 hours DO NOT drink Kombucha with C&S.

Back In The Day # 2

2010-01-25T19:41:00.012-06:00

Sorry it has taken so long to do another post for this blog series, but I have been really busy since I posted the first one so instead of doing one every week, I'll do one every other week . I've also been catching hell trying to find a file hosting site that supports hotlinking. I finally find one that works! Thank God for small miracles.

Blessed - The Emotions
The Emotions' Wikipedia Page

This Time I'm Gone for Good - Bobby "Blue" Bland
Bobby Blue Bland's Wikipedia Page

The World Is A Ghetto - War
War's Wikipedia Page

*Bonus Song*
Yes I'm Ready - Barbara Mason
Barbara Mason's Wikipedia Page

Weight Release Jouney Day 3

2010-01-25T01:34:00.004-06:00

Today has been a great day. I feel so light and full of energy. I woke up and I did yoga for about 30 minutes and I meditated for another 30 minutes. I made a slammin' carrot salad recipe and I made a ton of it, so I'll be living off of this and the hummus I made the other day. Instead of using mayonnaise as a dressing for the carrot salad (yuck!) I made a ginger vinaigrette dressing. Here's the recipe below.

Carrot Salad w/ Ginger Vinaigrette Dressing
2 cups of shredded carrots
1 Fuji apple chopped
1 Granny Smith apple chopped
1 Anjou or Bartlet Pear chopped
1 cup of raisins
1 tablespoon of minced fresh ginger
1 tablespoon of rice vinegar
1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon of agave nectar
1 teaspoon of fresh squeezed orange juice

Mix carrots, apples, pears, and raisins in a bowl. Set aside. Place ginger, rice vinegar, olive oil agave nectar, and orange juice in blender and blend until well mixed. Add dressing to the carrot salad and mix well. Put salad in refrigerator and let chill for 30 minutes before eating. Enjoy!

Weight Release Journey Day 2

2010-01-24T11:29:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a lazy day for me. I didn't exercise, but I stuck to my plan. For breakfast I ate a Fuji apple and a couple handfuls of raw cashew. Lunch was a spinach salad, and dinner was red bell pepper hummus and pita chips. For snacks I munched on carrot sticks, raisins, and my Bolthouse juices.

Check It Out #2

2010-01-23T06:22:00.010-06:00

Ok, so I'm sorry it has taken me almost a month to do another post for this blog series, but I became really busy right after I started this blog so I haven't been able to dedicate as much time to it as I would like to. So instead of posting every week. I'll do it every other week. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog, lol.

J. Hollins
R&B / Neo-soul / Soul
MySpace Page

Brian McKnight, Luther Vandross...these are the people who come to mind when you hear J. Hollins's smooth & luscious, yet strong voice. His songs aren't your typical whinny & lust filled R&B that most male R&B artists are doing today. They're more like private conversations set to music. Very introspective. This brother is destined to follow in the footsteps of Marvin & Luther.

Somi
Nu-Jazz / Soul / Afro-beat
MySpace Page

Some of you may already be familiar with Somi from her song Ingele which got a lot of airplay on BETJ & VH1 Soul about 3 years ago. Somi's voice is as cool and gentle as the breeze and is as textured & earthy a Mississippi red clay. This is what Jazz Times magazine has to say about her live performance: "the earthy gutsiness of Nina Simone blended with the vocal beauty of Dianne Reeves". I think that sums it up perfectly.

The Hii-Hatts
Hip-Hop/New Wave/Soul
MySpace Page

If you're sick to death of rappers who sound like they're constipated and you require something a little more creative, you should make you way to The Hii-Hatts' MySpace page. Their eclectic blend of hip-hop and New Wave beats paired with their witty and sometimes comical delivery leaves you asking the question "Where have these guys been all my life?"

Weight Release Journey Day 1

2010-01-23T04:42:00.004-06:00

Today is the day that I finally made up mind to stop holding on to the rest of this excess weight and get back to the point where I cause traffic accidents like I used to in high school, lol. I'm so not exaggerating. That really happened. I was so fine in high school a guy crashed into a stop sign because he was looking at me as I walked to the store. My measurements were 38-26-38 and I was wearing a size 12/14. I've never been a skinny chick, and frankly I don't want to be one. I just want to be healthy again. I want to feel good again. I want to be able to buy clothes on sale again. You know the bigger sizes are always the first to go and by the time the store has a sale my size (18) is always gone.

I became a vegetarian almost 2 years ago and I lost 50 lbs. by just eliminating animal foods from my diet and practicing yoga on a daily basis. I didn't exercise that much afterwards and I've hit a wall since then with my weight fluctuating 5-20 lbs. I still have another 65 lbs. of excess weight to release. I know you're probably thinking "Damn! She lost 50 lbs. and still has another 65 to go? How big was she before?" I'm not, nor have I ever been ashamed of or felt guilty about my weight, so I'll tell you. I maxed out at 275 lbs. I now weigh 225. My goal weight is 155-160. I'm 5'5 1/2 with a large bone structure so if I got down below 140 I'll start to look like a crack head.

I have made a plan and I'm sticking to it. I just came back from Super Walmart and I splurged on some fruits and veggies. I've decided that I'm going to make the majority of my diet raw fruits, veggies, nuts, and seeds and that I'm going to only have one cooked meal a day. The rest of the day I'm grazing on dishes made with raw fruits, veggies, nuts and seed. I already drink plenty of water and I don't drink a lot of juice. It's been years since I've drank a soda, so that won't be a problem. For example, tonight I brought snow peas, which I'm munching on raw right now as I type this (they're really good raw, you must try them), some Fuji apples, mushrooms, raw cashews and 3 differnt types of Bolthouse Farms organic fruit & veggie juice blends. I got the Green Goodness, the 100% Carrot Juice, and the Blue Goodness. All of these juices are not from concentrate and flash pasteurized. They're expensive, but worth every penny. They'll be a good addition to my smoothies.

So I'm thinking that if I do a smoothie in the morning made with fruits, veggies, and nuts for breakfast, some type of veggie sandwich or wrap for lunch, dried fruits and seeds as snacks, and for dinner stuff like beans & rice or basil pesto & whole wheat pasta with a salad...always have a salad with cooked food. Eating like this along with the herbal supplements I'm taking, working out with the new belly dance workout DVD, and getting back to doing yoga everyday like I used to will get me back to the point to where I have my dangerous curves back. Oh yeah, I gotta stop eating my daddy's sweet potato pies too, lol.

The Wisdom of Will Smith

2010-01-22T18:37:00.002-06:00

Will Smith has been one of my favorite actors for a while, but after seeing this he's one of my favorite people period. I knew I liked him for a reason.

Demeriese Etouffe'

2010-01-18T02:49:00.000-06:00

I was bored and thinking about stuff for my album and came up with this. Ya'll know how much I like Etouffe, so why not write a poem (somewhat) about it. Tell me what you think.

Demeriese Etouffee'

Ingredients
1 lb. Of Demeriese Valier
1 cup of flour
1 stick of butter
2 cups of water
3 cups of Covetta Valier (mother)
2 cups of Alton Valier (grandfather)
1 onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 clove of garlic, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 cup of green onions, chopped
2 tomatoes, chopped
1 tbs. sea salt
2 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
2 bay leaves
2 cups of Ella Fitzgerald
½ cup of Billie Holiday
1 cup of Sarah Vaughn
¾ cup of Chaka Khan
¾ cup of Aretha Franklin
½ cup of Phyllis Hyman
¾ cup of Anita Baker
1 cup of Jill Scott

Directions
To make a roux, in a heavy sauce pan melt butter and then stir in flour until smooth. Cook over medium-high heat stirring constantly until roux is dark brown. Add onion, green and red bell peppers, garlic, Covetta Valier, and Alton Valier. Let simmer on medium heat for 11 years, constantly stirring.
Stir in water, Demeriese Valier, tomatoes, sea salt, cayenne pepper, bay leaves, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn, Chaka Khan, Aretha Franklin, Phyllis Hyman, and Anita Baker. Cover pot and let simmer on medium heat for 13 years, stirring occasionally.
Remove cover and reduce to low heat. Stir in green onions and Jill Scott. Serve over brown rice or mashed potatoes. Enjoy!

I AM What Happened (Facebook Throwback)

2010-01-18T02:45:00.001-06:00

This was originally posted as a note on Facebook Wednesday, May 14, 2008 at 5:08pm

I AM What Happened 2:25pm 3/7/2008

The next time they see me they gon' be like “DAMN! What happened to you?! You glowing 'n shit. All happy. You must got a new man or something.” and I'll just simply shout from the diaphragm being the singer that I AM “Me! I AM what happened!”

Forever gone is the insecure little girl that was hiding inside and trying to get me to retreat to the depths of my mind with her. Well she's not gone, but she is off doing her own thing. She's happy now and only shows up occasionally and is no longer the one in control.

I explained to her...it took me a while, but I explained to her that all of the hurt, the pain, the loneliness, that “I'm swimming against the tide and the whole world is against me” feeling that she carried within from being around the ones without the light between the ages of 5-23 was to prepare her for the immense joy that her 24th year and beyond would bring her...bring us.

I told her that my life-long search for God had ended. I found the All That Is and now I have finally found the peace we had both sought after for so long. What I didn't realize was that my journey was only beginning and everyday I get to know the love that IS God more and more. And I'm lovin' it more and more!

So when they see joy that emanates from my heart mind body and spirit and ask me, “Why is it that you're so perky all of a sudden?” I'll look at them in their eyes and say “It's because I found Me.” and when they ask me “What are you talking about?” I'll simply look past their eyes and into their soul and just tell them “Look deep within yourself...you'll see.”

Coochie Economics 101

2010-01-18T01:28:00.009-06:00

This is something that needs to be read by women all over the world. This is my plea to all of my sisters of the human race: please, please, please stop acting desperate for a man and stop passing out coochie like they have coupons for it in the Sunday paper.

I was talking with my best friend the other day and she was telling me about this guy she she's dating getting an attitude and throwing a tantrum because she did not call him back. This isn't the first man she has complained about doing this. I've also experienced this myself. The men who get attitudes when you don't call them back ASAP are also the same men who expect a woman to chase after him. Do you know why men in my age group (18-34)act like they are God's gift to women? Do you know why they easily take for granted the precious gift that we so willingly and lovingly give to them? Men act like this because they can generally get away with it. Basically, it's our fault. A lot of women put up with bullshit from a man just so that they can have someone in their lives. Men know this and they use it to their advantage. Because this is so commonplace, when I meet a man and he discovers that my brain is between my ears and not between my legs the reaction is similar to someone trying to watch a DVD and you bring them a VHS tape instead. The reaction is like "they still make these?". So for me, could you try being a little less loose and quite a bit more selective so that me and my friends can stop being the VHS tapes of the dating world. Not that many people are into vintage stuff, lol.

Seriously though, it's time to go back to being more selective about the men we accept into our hearts and into our bodies. The coochie is a divine creator and we must treat it as such. Women always want to bitch about how all men are dogs, but they don't give a man a chance to treat them with respect. Why should a man value the gift that you have when you don't value it yourself? There was a time where if a man got to touch you under your clothes it was a pretty big deal. We need to get back to that. The sexual revolution of the 60's and 70's should've been called the sexual devolution, because the end result is pure hedonism, sexual recklessness which leads to disease and unwanted children, and a blatant disregard for women as spiritual beings. Some people might cringe at the analogy I'm about to make, but it's the best way to get my point across. If you're a prude or have sexual hangups, go see a therapist. Why would you read something titled Coochie Economics 101 in the first place? I digress.

Think of the coochie as a currency, kind of like the US dollar. The more currency there is circulating in the economy, and the easier it is to get, the less value the currency has. The same thing is true for coochie. The easy availability of coochie today is at an all time high, which means the value on the coochie and females in general is at an all time low despite the fact that males outnumber females 101.3 to 100.

QUIT PLAYING YOURSELVES!!! QUIT SETTLING FOR LESS!!! Hold back on giving it up and watch how men change their attitude toward you. I propose that every woman in the world just shut down and stop having sex for 60 days. Could you imagine that? We could have men doing our bidding and bowing at our feet begging for just a taste. If only we realized the power that we yield as women. Men have died and wars have been started over it in the past and now we must settle for it being a hobby or a trivial vice like smoking weed or drinking alcohol? I refuse, and my sisters if you had any sense, so should you! Reclaim you Vagina Power. Ya'll better get up on that Alexyss K. Tylor, lol!

Osho on Charity

2010-01-17T23:50:00.001-06:00

Osho on Charity

“All the religions have been serving the poor for thousands of years and poverty still keeps on growing. Is this authentic service? If so, in thousands of years poverty should have disappeared. In fact, religion is feeding poverty. Real service is telling the poor: “You are being exploited and you have to revolt against vested interests.” Poverty will continue unless the poor understand that their poverty is caused by a few people who are exploiting them, sucking their blood … It is not caused by your past lives and your sins, it is caused by a social system which relies on exploitation. Religions have to be made aware: They have been serving the poor for centuries, but what is the result? A tree is known by its fruit: if the fruit is rotten, the tree is not worth much. Serving the poor appears to be so good. It seems to be a great virtue. But service seems to be a beautiful word which is hiding an exploitative social structure.” – OSHO

Back In The Day # 1

2009-12-18T02:09:00.002-06:00

I LOVE old school Soul, R&B, and Blues. As a matter of fact, when I was growing up I listened to more old school music than contemporary music because we didn't have cable t.v. or a radio with a working antennae in my home for years. I think it's important that we know our musical heritage, so starting this week I'm going to do a blog post where I turn you on to old school music that most young people haven't heard before. If there is a song that you think I should feature, just send me a message and let me know. I just might use it.

Old School Pick #1
Mable John - Your Good Thing (Is About To End)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mable_John

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Old School Pic #2
Norman Connors - Invitation
*This song was sampled by Kanye West for the song Brown Sugar (Fine) performed by Mos Def on the Brown Sugar motion picture soundtrack.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_connors

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Old School Pick #3
Johnny "Guitar" Watson - I Wanna Ta-Ta Baby
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_%22Guitar%22_Watson

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Check It Out! #1

2009-12-14T00:02:00.000-06:00

This is the first of a weekly post that I'll be doing called Check It Out. I'm always discovering indie artists on the internet, especially MySpace, and whenever I find an artists that I like I'll leave a link to their page so you can hear their music and then you can come back and discuss their music with each other. All of it may not be new, but that doesn't matter if it's music that I think is worth listening to.

Pick #1
Voice
Lyrical / Hip Hop / Progressive
New Orleans, LA

Voice is the answer to what's been missing in Hip-Hop since Lauryn Hill disappeared from the music scene. Listening to her for the first time is like drinking a cool glass of water after you've been outside in the sun all day. It's musical refreshment after suffering a drought of female MC's that don't have anything of substance to say.
Oh, and she has FREE download of her MySpace Only Mix-Tape. Get it. I did. You won't regret it.
http://www.myspace.com/voicey

Pick #2
Gaelle
Progressive / Electronica / Soul
Atlanta, GA

The future is now. That's the realization you come to when listening to Gaelle. She expertly mixes R&B, House, Electronica, and Trance together to get music with a chill and laid back, yet futuristic sound. This, mixed with thoughtful and poignant lyrics makes for a listening experience that leaves you captivated.
http://www.myspace.com/gaelleonline

Pick #3
Q. Dixon
Soul / Neo-soul / Ambient
Los Angeles, CA

With vocals that can go from smooth & buttery to passionate & earthy, Q. Dixon will have you transfixed with her tales about the ups and downs of love from the moment she sings the first note. Nuf said.
http://www.myspace.com/qmyouzik4real

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade Pt. 4

2009-12-13T23:48:00.000-06:00

This is the end of a 4 part series. Situation 4 Having a manic episode, being hospitalized, and finding out that I have bi-polar disorder This situation is the accumulation of situations 1-3 and many other disappointments I have experienced throughout my entire life. I won't write about the rest of them because then I'd have enough material for a book (hmm...idea). I had just moved into my first apartment. Before then I had been sleeping on my frat sister's sofa (thanks T.T.) and before then I was living with my parents and sleeping...you guessed it...on the sofa. I was just happy to be sleeping in a bed. Before I moved into my apartment I had been extremely stressed out because of my financial situation. I had been depressed for months, but I was working on my attitude trying to go from a negative I'm the victim mentality to a positive one where I was in control of my emotions and my destiny. This was coming along slowly at first, but when I moved into my apartment the pendulum started to swing dramatically to the other direction. Long gone was the laid back, shy, and socially insecure girl. All of a sudden I was this vibrant and vivacious woman taking the world by storm. I became a vegetarian. I woke up at 8 o' clock promptly every morning and exercised. I went on a mini shopping spree and spent the majority of my money on these fabulous clothes and things for my apartment. I coyly flirted with every man I saw and I engaged in animated conversations with complete strangers. It seemed as if I was drawing all the right people to me with a magnet. I came up with all of these brilliant ideas to make money. I threw a party and cooked enough food to easily feed 50 people even though only about 10-12 showed up. Everyone else I knew was gone for spring break. I had spent two days cooking and I had only had two hours of sleep in a 48 hour period. I did all of this in less than a week. What sounds unusual about this you ask? For those of you who know me, you know that the things I was doing that week was completely out of character. I was being totally impractical. The behaviors that I just described to you was the beginning of me having a manic episode, also known as a nervous breakdown. I started having hallucinations that I was psychic, that I had ESP, and I was hearing this voice. Everything that I did that week was because this voice had told me to do it or I had a vision. The straw that broke the camel's back was when one of my roommates stole my phone just because I moved her cheap ass plastic flower arrangement so I could use the table as a work space. I was planning another party the day after my first party. My roommates had been giving me the cold shoulder since I had moved in. They made sure to ignore me and tried to make me feel uncomfortable, but it didn't work. I could have given less than a fuck about them. I went shopping for my party and when I got back I discovered that my phone was gone and then the bitch had the nerve to leave a note on the refrigerator about it. I had borrowed money from one of my professors and tried to go out and buy things and now no one could get in touch with me. I was livid. I tried to get various people to help me, but no one came through until the next morning. I went to sleep and then when I woke up I was in a murderous rage. That girl who was my roommate needs to thank God everyday, all day. If she would've been there I don't know what I would've done to her. My cell phone was out of minutes ( prepaid is a bitch) and the only means of communication I had was my apartment phone...yeah, I was heated. I blacked out shortly after woke up and when I came to things were scattered everywhere. I got scared, left my apartment and sat by the pool until sunrise. Afterwards I walked to my frat sisters' apartment ( they lived in the same complex) and told them what happened. When I left their apartment one of my friends who I called the night before picked me up and brought me to a safe location where I could lay low. While all of this had been going on my parents knew that something was terribly wrong with me from the way I had been talking to them. I was not the daughter they knew. They tried to find me by calling my so called frat sisters. When they finally found one who would cooperate with them and not hang the phone up in their faces, they came and picked me up. After this I had a series of dizzy spells and then I started fainting every time I walked too fast. My parents took me to the hospital. This is when the hallucinations started. I was thinking that I was pregnant with twins for a man I had not even shaken hands with, so you know that sex was definitely out of the question. I also thought that I was the Egyptian Queen Nefertiti and that I was about to be reunited with my king Akhenaten after being separated from each other for many lifetimes. After we came together we were going to rule the world again, but in a more covert way. I would do it through music and he would do it through real estate. I know this sounds like something from a sci-fi movie, but this is what I was thinking. I felt like I was in a Spike Lee joint, lol. If you find yourself laughing at this, don't feel guilty. It's quite alright because I'm laughing about it as I type. I was trippin'...major. My parents used this hallucination against me to get me to peacefully go home with them, and two very dear friends of mine, who I kept calling, were patient enough to entertain my foolishness and they went along with what I was saying like I hadn't lost my damn mind. I am eternally grateful for them. When I got home I totally flipped out. Everyone in my family had been watching me like a hawk and it was getting on my nerves. I was at home just chillin' when all of a sudden I had a strong craving for fried chicken and cherries. I tried to go the store which is about a ½ mile up the street from my house. First my father tried to stop me and I cursed him out, pulled my pants down, and told him to kiss my ass. Then I went to the store and I passed out there also. My brother-in-law had to bring me home. After I got home I started going through multiple personality changes and latter in the evening I ended up walking in the middle of the streets barefoot wearing nothing but a dashiki and some panties screaming, crying, and asking God for peace. I finally got some peace when my neighbors called the police and I went to a psychiatric hospital. Three weeks after I got out of the hospital the hallucinations came back and I had to go back to the hospital again. Lessons Learned The lessons I learned from this experience was that I had to stop silently holding on to my pain and the only way I would have any semblance of peace in my life was to let go of my past. I held on to the pain for so long because for the majority of my life it was all I knew. I thought that being aggravated and depressed was normal and that I could not be happy unless I had a specific reason. Something major had to happen like falling in love or winning the lotto. The thought that I could be happy for being able to breathe or because the sun was shinning was just ridiculous to me. I now know that I went through so much pain because it is what I expected. So as a man thinketh, so is he. The last lesson I learned from this experience is probably the greatest one I have learned thus far. I figured out my purpose in life. When I was in the hospital they kept us all doped up. Everyone was walking around like zombies. Not to mention, the staff was a bunch of assholes that did things to purposefully antagonize the patients so that they could add extra time to their stay and make more money. Basically, there just was no positive energy in that place. We did everything in groups and when the staff found out that I could sing they kept asking me to sing something for them. At first I was reluctant, but I sang His Eye Is On The Sparrow for them (y'all know that's my lazy song, lol). I noticed that the atmosphere had changed for a little while after I sang. The other patients were telling me how my singing had made them feel so much better. Even the staff had been cheerful for a little while, so after that I was a singing fool in that hospital. I now know that the reason God gave me such a beautiful voice was so that I could use it to uplift people's spirit. If I could help people with mental disorders forget about their problems and give them a little hope, just imagine what I could do for so-called normal people? To whom much is given, much is expected, so I am going to live up to my God given potential and try to heal the world with my voice, my music, and my desire to help other people. I know some of you are wondering why is it I exposed so much of myself to the world. I just simply got tired of people manufacturing lies about me and I wanted people to know the truth. I was tired of fending off vicious rumors and I got tired of being judged without people knowing what my struggle was. I also wanted people to know why I am the way I am. I also know that what happened to me over the years was tragic and that if I told my story and let people see just how much I have overcome that maybe they might be inspired to hold on and don't give up on this perpetual classroom called life. If only one person walks away after reading this better able to examine the things that they have gone through in their life and what lessons it is that they had to learn, I'll feel as though I have accomplished something great.

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade Pt. 3

2009-12-13T23:46:00.000-06:00

This is part 3 of a 4 part series.

Situation 3
Being set up to be raped by a friend

When I first got to college I met a girl named Valerie. We were in the choir together. We were both freshmen music majors and often times we were the only females in our music classes with the exception of one other girl. We started hanging out with each other and soon became good friends...so I thought. Valerie started inviting me to hang out with her and different guys she knew. Me being the naive country girl I was back then thought nothing of it. I always turned her down because I had a boyfriend and two side pieces, so I had better things to do if you catch my drift. One night I was in her dorm room with another friend of mine who I'll refer to as “Claudia” and she asked us if we wanted to go and hang out with some football players that she was cool with. I never did like athletes in high school because of the arrogant sense of entitlement that they walked around with, so when something told me not to go I just brushed it off as me being biased towards athletes. She told us that we were going to play cards and drink. I didn't see anything wrong with this especially since it would be three of us going there together. I also had no idea of the monstrous things men were capable of doing to women. We went to Grandison Hal,l which is an athlete dorm, and we were taken to a room where there were four guys. We started drinking and playing cards and were having a good time. They kept giving us drink after drink until we had consumed almost an entire fifth of Blue Beast. I must admit that I engaged in binge drinking in high school and my first semester, but each time I had done that before I was with people who I knew wouldn't fuck over me. Then, after we finished playing cards they brought out more drinks, but we (me and my other friend) were the only ones drinking it, which should've been a hint but like I said previously, I was very naïve and somewhat sheltered. After that my memory goes in and out. All I can remember is being carried to another room by two other men and they placed me on a bed. The room was dark and all I knew was that there were other men in the room. Some man, who until this day I have no idea who he is...I never saw his face, took off my pants and proceeded to have sex with me. I was listless and could not move or even make a sound. He was the only one I could remember. All of a sudden I wake up and Claudia is cursing and fussing. We get thrown out of the room and I have to end up carrying Claudia to another football player's room where she throws up from whatever it was they put in our drinks. Someone gave us a ride back to our dorms and I had to take Claudia back to my room to make sure she didn't vomit in her sleep because she was sick as a dog.
The next few weeks Valerie plays the victim role and fools us into thinking that she was raped. She talked us into not reporting them because she pointed out that we were not supposed to be in a male dormitory and we would end up getting in trouble. We also knew how rape victims are usually portrayed as loose and immoral women. I was also blaming myself because if I hadn't done all that drinking I wouldn't have been violated. She had us going with that mumbo jumbo about her being a victim also, but then the other participants were bragging about what they had done and it got back to someone I knew from my area who was on the football team. He let me know what really happened. Valerie had been in cahoots with the football players about raping us. She set it all up! I also found out what everyone on campus but me already knew...that Valerie was the ultimate slut. She was doing the entire football team, the band, and several other campus organizations. I also found out that the other times she invited me to meet guys and I refused to go the same thing was supposed to go down.

Lessons Learned

The lessons I garnered from this traumatic experience was that I had to absolutely stop binge drinking (duh) and when I did drink to keep it under three drinks and to only do it around people that I could trust and had no doubt that they have my back like I have theirs. Now I don't drink alcohol at all. I also learned about the power of forgiveness. When I found out about Valerie's betrayal I had already been harboring bitterness about what my sister had done to me. What she did was the coup de grâc to my soul, my psyche, and my emotions. A hatred like none other came bubbling out of my pores. It became the essence of my very being. I walked around spewing venom about her anytime she was around or someone mentioned her name. The fact that she made a point to flirt with every man she saw me talking to didn't make it any better. I started having really horrendous thoughts about doing things to hurt her. I knew I had to do something when one day she kept following me around the music building and I got so mad that I blacked out. My father had kept telling me to forgive her and that was the only way I could get beyond what happened to me. He also pointed out that she couldn't have done this without my help. I thought he had lost his entire mind. I didn't care about how easy I made it for her to give me the shaft. I just couldn't understand how someone could do something so diabolical without provocation. My hatred for her became so intense that anytime we were in the same room people would be on the look out for a fight to break out because that's just how thick the tension in the rooms was. I finally forgave her when one night the choir was performing in New Orleans at the National Baptist Convention. There were some really good gospel choirs there and I guess she got filled with the Holy Spirit or something because after we performed she passed a letter to me. The letter said that she felt extremely guilty about what she did and was aware of how she had hurt me. She asked me to forgive her. At that moment it felt as if a weight had been lifted from my heart and I told her that I forgave her...and I meant it! When I saw how good it felt to forgive Valerie I decided that I would forgive the men who raped me (despite the fact that I didn't know who they were), my sister, and later on everyone who had ever transgressed against me. One more critical lesson I learned is to be more selective of who I associate with and that people are often judged by the company that they keep. This was a hard concept for me to grasp because it was not how my mind functioned. Unlike most people, I realize that you must first make conclusions (I try not to judge anyone) about people based on their attributes and behaviors, and then take into account secondary information like the people they associate with, which is why it was hard for me to grasp the fact that I was being judged by the actions of someone else. I thank Valerie for setting me up to get raped. Because of this experience I was forced to reevaluate the path I was headed down and it made me start to realize that I must place a higher value on my life. I also learned that you have to be well rounded to where you can understand where the idiots are coming from just as well as you understand someone who is intelligent. If I would've had a better idea of the myriad of horrible things that people are capable of doing, I wouldn't be writing this blog.

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade Pt. 2

2009-12-13T23:44:00.000-06:00

This is part 2 of a 4 part series.

Situation 2

Being betrayed by my sister

I am the oldest of six children. I have one sister and four brothers. My sister is right behind me. She's only 1 1/2 years younger than me, but we've never had a strong relationship. She has always been selfish and a blabber mouth so I guess that's why I wasn't surprised when she told the ultimate lie on me and my father.

During the summer of 2002 I was preparing for my first semester of college when my life was changed completely. My sister, who was only 16 at the time, had been secretly involved with a man that is four years older than her for two years when my mother caught them having sex on our back porch. Our parents had a strict no boyfriends policy when I was coming up so naturally my parents were livid, especially my father, when he found out how old he was. My father forbid my sister to see him and he threatened to press statutory rape and carnal knowledge of a juvenile charges on her boyfriend. My sister was already mad at the fact that she had to sneak around with this man, and now our father was going to have him put in jail. She wasn't having it. When she found that out, she made up a vicious lie saying that my father had molested her. She went to her boyfriend's mother about it first and instead of the woman contacting someone in our family about what she had been told she went to Cypress Bayou Casino, which is this huge casino EVERYBODY goes to, and told everyone she came into contact with. Then my sister told my mother. My mother found inconsistencies in her story and told her that she was lying. Then, she told my grandmother and was able to bullshit her into believing her story. My grandmother threatened to have my father thrown in jail if he tried to stop her from whisking my sister away to her house. My father is and ex-con and if someone went to the police with child molestation accusations against him no one would have believed him because the reality of this country's justice system is that you are guilty until proven innocent when you're an ex-con. Because of this sordid truth, he let my grandmother take her away which gave credence to my sister's lies. Our family would have been completely broken up because my mother would've gone to jail also for having knowledge of the "abuse" and not reporting it and my three younger brothers would have been put in foster care all so she could be with her high school drop out loser boyfriend. Mind you, I was nowhere around when she made these accusations and she just assumed that I would go along with her because I was also resentful of how strict my father was with the no boyfriend policy. She was stupid and short sighted on that one. When I got back home and didn't go along with her she started saying that me and my father had been having an illicit relationship.

The timing for this couldn't have been worse. I put it all behind me, so I thought, and went to Southern University two weeks later. This lie followed me all throughout college because people from my home town that I went to school with started telling people around campus. What gave it so much credence is that I became very close with my father and he visited me on a regular basis. People who didn't know me well (which was just about everyone) and did not understand the dynamics of our relationship saw him checking up on me (which I truly needed, I'll explain more later) and took this lie and ran with it. As a result I am a social leper between Baldwin and Baton Rouge. The entire time I was in college I would meet guys and they would be crazy about me, take me out on one or two dates (never made it to a third date) and then all of a sudden they would see me again and act as if they didn't know who I was or they'd look at me like I had feces smeared on my face. So now here I am 24 years old and I can't pay a man to piss on me if I was on fire. I just might have to leave the state if I ever want a boyfriend because of the far reaching impact this lie has had.

My fraternity sisters of Sigma Alpha Iota heard the same lie and several of them were instrumental in spreading it also. They started acting funny with me just like the guys I tried to date. I thought it was just the typical female jealousy thing and blew them off. They approached my best friend about my relationship with my father when I was no longer in Baton Rouge and that is how I found out about what they had done. This along with the next traumatic experience I went through completely wrecked my self-esteem and I lost myself for a while. My younger brothers get teased about this at school and now they are social lepers just like me. My father's business went down the hole because no one wants to do business with him anymore. I can't even go to the church I had been a member of since I was a child because people there treat me like I'm the most repulsive woman in the world.

Lessons Learned

The lesson I got from this traumatic experience is not to bury your head in the sand and try to ignore your problems because they won't just magically go away. I thought that if I didn't say anything about it or make a big fuss about it people would forget eventually. I didn't understand CNS (Country Nigga Syndrome. I'll espouse more on this subject in another blog). If I would have exposed my sister for the selfish, nefarious and diabolical person that she truly is and if my father would've put his foot down and not let my grandmother intimidate him with her threats, my life and my family's lives would be totally different. I also became closer to my father. My relationship with him was not all that before I went to college because I was being a typical teenager thinking that he was a control freak. I now realize that both he and my mother were trying to protect me from myself and were trying to ensure that I made it through high school without getting pregnant. I guess this was God's way of forcing us to become closer and resolve whatever issues we had, because if we wouldn't have been close and if he had not been as involved in my life as he was when I was in college, I know without a doubt that I would have committed suicide...or at least dropped out of school. Now my father is one of my best friends. I thank my sister for doing what she did, for the lessons derived from this experience have shaped me more so than anything else I have been through. I now know that I can make it through anything life throws my way.

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade Pt. 1

2009-12-13T23:30:00.000-06:00

I have been going through a spiritual awakening lately. I've been examining my life trying to figure out why is it that so many bad things have happened to me. At first I was finding myself about to begin another bout of depression when a friend of mine told me about something unrelated "Girl you gotta take lemons and make lemonade out of 'em." It was at that moment I started to realize that something good has come out of every bad situation I have experienced and that there were lessons I needed to learn for my spiritual growth. This is the first of four stories about some of the most devastating events in my life and how I was able to release my inner demons by finding the life lessons behind each occurrence.

Situation 1

Being bullied and outcast by my peers at a young age

I moved to a wretched little town in Louisiana called Baldwin when I was eight years old and from the moment I started school I was the subject of daily teasing, humiliation, and fighting. I was under constant attack because according to them I was either too black, too ugly, a nerd, a geek, and not fashionable enough for their taste. When my breast started developing at the age of 9 and I started wearing a bra it got really bad because the girls became more jealous than they already were and the boys were always trying to grab them. I literally fought my way through elementary and Jr. High school. I fought just as many boys as I did girls. It was like I was the most hated girl in the school, but I hadn't done anything to anyone and I couldn't understand why. It wasn't until I busted a girl's head into a brick wall in the 7th grade that people started backing off, but even after that I had to whip her cousin's ass the next school year. High school was better. By then everyone knew that I was not to be messed with, but I was still isolated for the most part. Fortunately I was able to have a lasting relationship with one person that until this day is still one of my best friends (I only have 2).

Lessons Learned

The lessons I learned from being an outcast for so long is that people are always going to find something about you that they don't like, so I learned at a young age to march to the beat of my own drum, to not be a mindless sheep, and to not be concerned about other people's opinions. I realize now that the reason my peers didn't like me so much was because I embodied everything that society told them they were not and could never be. I grew up with both of my parents in the same home. Most of them are lucky if they know who their fathers are, much less have them living in the same household with their mother. I always made good grades and I am a voracious reader. They were jealous because of my grades and because I was a teacher favorite and they weren't. Being on the outside looking in also allowed me to not get caught up in the frivolity of mass consumerism so many people I went to school with and society in general get caught up in. I learned to define myself not by how much my outfit cost, but by what I believed to be true in my heart. I thank the people I went to school with for making an outcast out of me and bullying me. It forced me to look within for everything I needed and since I didn't have that many friends I had lots of time on my hands. As a result of all this free time I became really good at playing the trumpet, Tae Kwon Do and boxing too.